How Safe are You from Chinese Vampires?

Today is Halloween in the United States so I have decided to write a post on Chinese vampires (僵屍 "gerng see" in Cantonese and "jiang shi" in Mandarin). Anytime there is a Chinese "ghost" story, it'll usually involve these guys.  

Actually to tell you the truth, I am not sure if they are really called or why they are called vampires. I personally think they are closer to zombies but for the sake of clarity, I will refer to them as Chinese vampires. So how can you tell if you are dealing with a Chinese vampire? Well ask yourself these questions:

1. Does he have his arms up 90 degrees from his body?

2. Does he get around by hopping in a very stiff way? 

3. If you stick a piece of yellow paper with Chinese writing on his head, does it stop him from moving? 

4. Is he wearing clothing that officials would wear in the Qing dynasty? 

If your answer is Yes to any 3 of these questions, you have a Chinese vampire on your hand. So what should you do? 

• Run away - I can't see how hopping can be faster than running 
• Hold your breath - They detect you by smelling your breath, they are actually blind
• Get a mirror (specifically the 8 sided Ba Gua mirror) - Chinese vampires are afraid of their own reflections
• Handbell - Perhaps they are afraid to get run over by a bicycle
• Vinegar - Apparently wards off Chinese vampires although I would feel silly using it
• Straw Broom - If all else fails, why not try to sweep them away

In their defense, most Chinese vampires are just trying to hop back to their homeland and get a proper burial. Too bad they are misunderstood and get a beating for it.